Feminism: As You Like It

Some feminist believe gender inequality and bias began with the Manusmriti. Although Manu’s diktat on woman and her place in society does come across as the ranting’s of a misogynist, I would like to point out that woman are no better in other societies. Gender equality and financial independence of women is still viewed with suspicion and disapproval in almost all societies today. Even those who consider themselves as the most ‘advanced’ of societies, like for example America, is still very patriarchal in their treatment of women. (Case in point, Trump’s spewing of hate filled speeches against woman and still being the frontrunner for Presidency)

Women have been given gender specific roles to play in relation to men. They are still viewed as ‘homemakers’ and men are the ‘providers’. It does not matter today that a woman can outperform a man in any profession. She is still paid less and has to double her efforts to be taken seriously. Society prefers and is comfortable if she plays out the role they delegate to her, rather than find her own.

Then again, how bad is this role playing for us as women? Can we be true to our nature and still not adhere to what society expects of us? For instance, nature has made us nurturing; so can we as mother’s still be career driven? According to Indira Nooyi, CEO, Pepsico  “women cannot have it all.” This was what she felt when she was asked about being a mother and a career woman.

What does “having it all” mean? One of my close friends, (name withheld for obvious reason) believes she “has it all”. After a successful career in a top software solution company, she quit when she reached the top position to have a kid, in her late thirties. She still works from home but has her priorities different now. She is no longer so interested in the cut throat world of the silicon valley and schedules her work around her son. She claims to be happy with the choices she has made as a woman and sees nothing wrong in trading a successful career for her child. She believes she is as successful as a mother as she was at her career and she is proud of it.

Interestingly, in a get-together organised by common friends, I heard this very fiery woman, who considered herself a ‘feminist’, pass a very snide remark on this friend. She branded her a ‘non-feminist’ and a very bad example to other woman.

This begs the question of what exactly would we term as feminist? Does it imply that if you are tied to the home and hearth as some women prefer, they are not feminist. Are you only feminist, if you ignore your responsibilities as a nurturer and pursue a career? What is feminism? Doesn’t your own preference matter? In my opinion, if a woman ties herself to her home and children of her own free will, it is okay. What Indira Nooyi was referring to as ‘having it all” depends from person to person and if no one is forcing you to do something against your own free will, it should not be labelled one way or the other. As long as no one else is getting hurt by your choices, I think those choices should be yours to make without having to think of what the world around you thinks.

I for one would like to tip my hat, to my friend, who could quit the high of a successful career to pursue her longing to have and nurture a child. Not all of us can do it and we end up feeling guilty about the choices we make in our life and like Ms. Nooyi, feel “we cannot have it all.”